Why You Must Overcome Your Fears
Falling Victim to "Headline Anxiety" is Holding Us All Back
Anxiety and heart-palpitating fears were not something I struggled with in my 20s. I went skydiving in New Zealand with only a non-English-speaking-Russian guy as my guide. I hiked the 16-mile round trip up Half Dome and back without much of a plan and inadequate supplies. I didn’t worry much about safety, going for runs in the dark in the city of DC or alone on a backcountry trail in Montana (ok, that was dumb!).
Then, a switch flipped when I turned 30, became a mom, and went through a devastatingly rare medical event and became paralyzed.
Fear became my constant companion.
I’ve talked to other moms who experienced the same thing (it seems to be more common in moms than dads, according to a Pew survey). We are constantly visualizing worst-case scenarios that could happen to our child: Falling down the stairs! Running into oncoming traffic! Swallowing a toy and choking! It doesn’t help that current mom culture feeds these fears more than ever with whole Instagram accounts devoted to safe car seat practices, choking prevention, illuminating allegedly toxic environmental and food concerns, and on and on and on.
On top of fears for my child, fear for my own future also plagued me. Seemingly out of nowhere, I would be overcome by the unshakeable thought that my tumor might grow back and paralyze me even more, or worse, end my life prematurely. Dread of returning to the hospital would wash over me.
Another weird fear-base phenomenon happened to me when I became paralyzed and then started to learn to walk again through many grueling hours of physical therapy. I had to fight a tremendous fear of falling. When you can’t feel your limbs and your muscles have very little function, each step you take is a step of faith that your body will do what it is told.
I am four years into this recovery journey next month, and I can tell you that I have pushed through fears at every single juncture. From standing with the help of three physical therapists to trying crutches to taking free steps with no hands— hot tears would sting my eyes as I willed myself to push through the fear that was rising up in my belly.
What if I had let fear take over?
I would not be walking today. I would not have been strong enough to have a second child, a precious new soul who turned one this week and is pushing through his own baby fears of falling as he learns to walk.
You may not be an anxious mom or a survivor of a rare disease, but I know that fear plagues many of you too. And if you are an avid reader of the news, that probably doesn’t help.
Here are some headlines this week that are pretty scary:
But our society is in trouble if we are collectively paralyzed by fear.
If every choice we make is about fending off these fears and searching for safety, then we will forego an abundant future. It was hard to leave the safety of my hospital bed, but it would have been a sad future if I hadn’t literally stepped out. The same is true of raising our kids and political choices— trying to bubble wrap our kids and demanding that our politicians make us all SAFE above all will be catastrophic for our future.
So how, then, do we live?
#1. Know the truth about fear.
Some truths about fear:
Fear robs us from living.
Fear is very often rooted in lies or nonexistent, imagined realities. Worst case scenarios are very unlikely (and you’re talking to someone who has lived through a worst-case scenario!).
Advertisers and headline writers use fear to capture your dollars and your attention.
Fear will hold you back from growth and from taking the risks necessary to meet your goals and live the life you desire.
God’s love is the surest path to fully expelling fear: He loved us so much that He sent His son to die for us, giving us a way to live with Him forever where there is no sickness, death, or sadness.
#2. Actively reject fear.
Sometimes I literally say out loud, “God, please remove my fear!” I also find it important to steep myself in truth and goodness, which for me is repeating a Bible verse such as:
2 Corinthians 4:17-18: “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”
#3. Go beyond limiting thoughts.
This article really struck me this week. When President Ronald Reagan took office, he faced a divided nation, stagflation that shook people’s faith in free market capitalism, and a strong nuclear enemy that seemed to be here to stay, the Soviet Union. Just a decade later, Reagan had marshaled an economic revival and the Soviet Union collapsed. How did he do it?
Reagan was the first Cold War president to “imagine a world without the Soviet Union,” [in the article, historian William Inboden says.] He “fundamentally rejected much of the conventional wisdom, or what seemed to be Cold War realities. One of those was that the Soviet Union is a permanent part of the geopolitical landscape.”
We do not, and cannot, know the future— so don’t limit what can be done! Just because things seem bleak today doesn’t mean it has to be that way tomorrow.
Conventional wisdom might have told 23-year-old me that going on an unsafe, solo trail run in the altitude and wilderness of Montana with no cell service was a bad idea. But you know what, I felt incredibly alive on that day and saw views that very few others have seen. Now that my semi-paralyzed body can’t run, you better believe I’m glad I took that risk!
What we’re reading and watching this week:
Rachel is loving the Jennifer Garner show on Apple TV: The Last Thing He Told Me and listening to the audiobook Boy Mom: What Your Son Needs Most from You by Monica Swanson.
On the debt limit debate, The Debt Ceiling Is a Chance to Raise America’s Growth Ceiling.
Taylor’s research, The Problems of Teen Suicide and Self-Harm Predate Social Media, was mentioned on Ezra Klein’s podcast on the Teen Mental Health Crisis.
Rachel’s work on welfare reform was in Real Clear Policy today: Utah's 'One Door' Policy Shows the Way Forward on Safety-net Reforms.
Taylor enjoyed: Just Calm Down About GPT-4 Already
Taylor read Chip Wars by Chris Miller. A fascinating read on a tech that permeates our lives. Did you know more transistors are created each year than products have EVER been created in human history!
Wonderful article. Your words paint a very insightful picture.